"Entering the sacred heart"

 

"Entering the sacred heart"

Yesterday was painful.  I was in deep pain that may have been related to working with emotional clearing.  I have been doing Mantak Chias emotional clearing process with the organs for a few days.  I was feeling especially out of sorts and got into some difficult thought-emotional cycles... unable to tell whether pain was coming from emotional or physical origins.  I knew I had to resume walking, and qigong (5 element medical qigong)... and I also knew I had to resume dialoguing with my soul through the imagery she so generously provides through images in revery, daydreams and night dreams...  And yesterday, the pain was so great, I needed to pray... this highlighted how intensely my ego identity wanted to control everything, wanted to be the one who does it all, who fixes it all, who knows it all... There have been more and more clarity that to do, effectively and with authenticity, yes, there is a place for the personal will, but there is a time and a place that in order to grow we need to surrender to a divine will, a greater power, as they say... this is what I am finding... the reality of life, the reality of pain, the reality of intergenerational wounds... we carry something that is beyond ourselves and we need to go beyond ourselves to find new patterning, and to request grace... it is not within our old level of consciousness, or even our lineages consciousness... I am letting go of so many things as I literally clear house to get rid of things as I have moved out of my house, and have moved all of my things (nearly)... and as I sort, I remember, my dreams, my mother's dreams, my uncles dreams, and there is, has been, a pressure as the last of the incarnate lineage to somehow carry my lineage's dreams, what they loved, what they hoped for, and yet I cannot... I have what is left of my life to live, and reality is bigger and more generous than my lineage may have hoped for, or maybe they did hope for that... my mother has been encouraging in my inner dialogue with her, my uncle has been mostly fine too, my grandmother more difficult, something she did not live out perhaps... which dreams are mine to inherit?  And which to let go of... mostly for the material, I am gaining confidence to let go of it, and know that what I have been left of value is in me and what I have been left materially and is of no use to me other than as I place holder, is actually richer in movement as I let go, as I give, as it is used and valued by others.  A friend published recently, a person who gives always has their hands full... there is so much receiving in giving, it is like I get the essence back that lives in the heart, not in inert things. As I cried because the energy felt so stagnant in heart and body and mind yesterday, I could only pray... and as I did there were curtains and curtains of white energy and I glimpsed the vunerability of the pure passionate, burning, being purified sacred heart and felt its movement deep within my heart. A surrendering... a grace.  I felt its meaning.  (This image is closely related in meaning to the last image, where the divine mother is in the deep waters rising.)